Archive for The Mental Challenge

When Facing Achievement Freaks You Out

By Lisa Selthofer · Comments (0)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Earlier this week I went to lunch with an amazing friend. She’s the type of person I respect, admire and she’s a rock. When it comes to life’s pivotal moments and when I need a compass when there’s a fork in the road, she’s my go-to person.


So, after chatting and laughing for a bit, I dramatically changed the subject by saying “I need to ask you a question…(followed by a long pause)” She immediately caught on to my serious tone and waited patiently for me to proceed.


I decided to just spit it out, so I asked “Have you ever reached a point in life where you’re about to reach a goal and think ‘Holy Sh*t!’ what have I done?!?!”


She started laughing…and replied “What,you’re now just realizing you’re about to attain the agility training facility you’ve been working hard towards and you’re a little freaked at achieving it?!?!”


Okay, maybe those weren’t her exact words, but close enough. And yeah, leave it to one of my best pals to see through me and recognize that I AM suddenly FREAKED by the personal success I’m about to obtain.


Yes, you read correctly, I’m FREAKED out!  Why? Well now, that’s a good question!


As I tried to grasp my success-terror, I went down the mental checklist and thought to myself…:

  • I know I have the talent…years of experience has shown me that.
  • I know I have the skills…thank goodness!
  • I know I’m pursuing this for the right reasons (No world domination in my foreseeable future); and
  • I know I have the heart and passion to make it happen (after all, I love what I do!).

So what’s the Thing that’s got me so concerned?


Well, based on the conversations going on in my head (yeah, that does sound a little weird, but keep in mind I’ve spent the last 3-days scrubbing, cleaning and painting agility equipment so there’s been a lot of room for strange thoughts to creep in), the epiphany I came to was:

  • That I’ve faced this life-changing pivotal point several times in the past;  and 
  • Something always seemed to crop up at the last minute; which
  • Derailed me from achieving my goal; so…
  • This achievement-thing is brand new territory for me!

I’m not a negative type of thinker, so I want to be clear that I don’t expect anything to derail my current goals (all feels right in the world), BUT I do recognize that I’m about to enter an entirely new era in my life and I would be a fool not to recognize that:

  • This is a new path; which
  • Will require new skills; and
  • Will challenge me in ways that I can’t even imagine

How exciting is that!!!! As well as a bit scary…<g>


So, what started off a few days ago as a ‘Holy Sheez” moment and an almost-animal-instinct-feeling to RUN, is really just a natural case of excitement/anticipation and nervousness that comes from tapping into a new and exciting stage of life.


To summarize, personal growth isn’t always easy and it isn’t always natural. But, breaking through these personal road blocks is possible and well worth the experience.

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Categories : Agility Reality, Daily Life and Agility, Handler Articles, The Mental Challenge, Yeah Moments
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Agility and Childhood

By Lisa Selthofer · Comments (3)
Friday, April 15th, 2011

Today I received an e-mail note from a 14 yr old girl who wrote wanting to take agility classes w/ her 10 mo. old lab. Her parents don’t have the funds and she’d like to work for her classes. I say “Hell yeah! Come and join me!”

During our conversation, she mentioned that everyone else she approached turned her down flat…I can’t help but think “Seriously???? People turned down the initiative of a 14 year old girl when all she wants to do is work with her dog????”

Be honest with yourself for a moment, what would you have done?

For me, the decision was easy and I’m going to share why.

It may be a surprise to some (and not such a surprise to others who know me), but holy cow, I was a child without limits. I wasn’t quite the demon-spawn my Mom would claim me to be, but there is no doubt that without the initiative of a few folks who stepped in here and there, I can’t even begin to imagine the trouble I would have found myself in.

As I look back now, I would bet those adults have no idea the positive impact they made on me as a child. They have no idea that 30+ years later, I still recall the brief, but positive interactions and think of them fondly. They have no idea that I’m forever grateful for that small piece of advice, momentary stability or the amazing personal example they were to me.

I’ve come to the realization that a majority of my life and the person I am now was developed because of a whole bunch of tiny pivotal moments. Dare I say hundreds or even thousands of them? The lesson I’ve learned is that we can impact people’s lives in small, but meaningful ways.

So what does my story have to do with the young lady who contacted me in hopes of working to pay for her dog’s agility lessons? Well, I’m not ashamed to hope that maybe 30 years from now she’ll think back and remember ‘that dog lady’ and if I’m lucky, I’ll have had a single and brief moment to positively impact her life.

Wouldn’t that be an amazing thing????

Maybe I am stealing the Pay-It-Forward notion, but who cares! It’s an amazing thing and I’m having fun with it.

copyright Lisa M. Selthofer 2011

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Categories : Handler Training, The Mental Challenge, Things To Know
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Wag More, Bark Less

By Lisa Selthofer · Comments (4)
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

This post is dedicated to everyone who has had to deal with mean people….

Since moving out to the Seattle area, I’ve continuously struggled with a small group of people in agility who are insecure, petty, vindictive, unhappy and just miserable. I wouldn’t normally notice these things, but unfortunately they find it entertaining to talk badly about others, including me & my life as they think they know it.

What makes it so tough is that they act nice to your face. Saying Hi, asking about specific details in your life and pretending like all is well. While in reality, they’re just plotting or poking for something to speak badly of. If they can’t find something, they’ll make it up and do so with relish. After all, if they’re cattily chatting about you, it makes them the center of attention and they feel important.

I’ve often been the target of their sharp tongues and worse yet, their make-believe reality. I’ve heard everything from I use prong collars to teach contacts, insensitive gossiping about the reasons I had to put my young border collie down and all the way up to someone approaching my husband (at a trial) before we got married and saying “We’re concerned about you, you don’t have to go through with it, are you really sure you want to marry her?” and someone openly discussing ringside how there’s no way our marriage was going to work.

Ouch! It doesn’t take a psychic to know that these are hurtful comments! Not to mention inappropriate, disrespectful and quite frankly, not their business.

I have to admit that after years of trying to rise above, keep smiling, keeping my chin up and more, I’ve finally realized that their bad behavior isn’t going to go away or stop because they’re not capable of that. So next I tried the old “I don’t give a crap” approach and honestly, I’ve begun to feel myself acting just as miserable as they are! Clearly the close yourself off, hard edged approach isn’t for me…

While it may not seem like it on the outside, I am a sensitive person (aren’t we all?). I do care about people, their feelings, prefer building them up and more. This is the polar opposite of what the unhappy group is about and while I like to give, they like to take and simply based on that large difference, we’re never going to see eye-to-eye. So that leaves me still trying to come up with a way to cope and not loose sight of who I am.

Lately I can’t help but feel “If I’m going to get blamed for & labeled being a crap person, then I mine as well be!” OK, not necessarily logical but if you continuously hear or are impacted by the negative, sometimes you can’t help but think about throwing in the towel and just going with it. Again, I need to find a magic sentence to block the hurt this causes me. Ah yeah and “just don’t worry about what they say” somehow doesn’t work so well for me. LOL

Looking on the bright side, it is because of these very people that I NEVER, EVER want to treat anyone less than with respect and kindness. After having felt the pain that they cause, I can’t imagine ever inflicting the same feelings on someone else…that’s just cruel.

I know logically that the majority of people here in this area aren’t like that. Actually, I’ve met some of the most sane, personable, warm and amazing individuals ever. After yet another day of hearing crap about myself, I wrote my frustration on Facebook and was so touched by the kind words. It was nice to be reminded of the non-crappy side of me and it made me happy to know that the good side is still there and that people DO see it.

What scares me the most is that sometimes when the negative words get to me and I close up and go into ‘protection mode’, I’m afraid I’ll lose the carefree & happy part of who I am to bitterness & hurt. It happens to a lot of people and I suspect that’s exactly what happened to this specific group and now that’s the only way they know how to live. You know, this reminds me of a horror flick where people are poisoned and turn into Mummy’s!

Now that I’ve said my fears out loud, I feel so much better. I’m also going to come up with a plan to make sure that I avoid the Mummy Lifestyle the unhappies took. I never want to be compared to the walking dead!

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Categories : Daily Life and Agility, The Mental Challenge
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Emotions and Training

By Lisa Selthofer · Comments (0)
Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Emotions – we all have ‘em and sometimes they’re a blessing and sometimes a curse.

I’m mentoring someone who, during the course of training their dog, is experiencing a range of emotions. I’ll bet you can relate – they started off with their dog acting brilliantly.  Each week the brilliance increased and the dog & handler were having a great time.  Now as the handler experiences success, they expect their young dog to act brilliantly all of the time and at a moment’s notice. They’ve now gone from a euphoric high to a ground-slamming low of disappointment as their expectations have surpassed the dog’s ability.
Rather than go into the “Why’s” of the situation, I thought it would be good to address the one thing nobody talks about – Training & the accompanying EMOTIONS! 

It’s natural for our emotions to take over at times. Like when you’ve just had an incredible agility run with your dog and you’re certain you just conquered the world…or there was that equally frustrating run where you were less than pleased with either yourself or your dog….I’ll bet you can immediatly blurt out how you felt in those moments.
The first thing I want to say is that emotions are NATURAL!  Like it or not, we live with them in every waking & non-waking moment.  Some of us are more prone to embrace (or be overtaken by) them and some are in denial that their parents passed on the emotion gene (I hate to tell you, but it’s there).
Whatever type you are, I suggest preparing for “emotions” to sneak up on you at some point while training your dog.  It’s going to happen.
Unfortunately most coaches don’t talk about this side of Agility and who could blame them? Emotions can be sticky, icky, uncomfortable, personal and honestly, not many agility coaches have a degree in Wading Through Emotional Sludge.
Let me say upfront that I’ve experienced both euphoric and just plain ugly emotions during my 13 year dog career and I’ll bet you have too.  Some lessons I’ve learned the hard way and some lessons I did just right – life is about learning and you’ll find yourself learning as you go too. Any way, since many of us commit ourselves to our dogs & to our training financially, physically and with our souls it’s natural – and to be expected – that our commitment level comes out in emotions every once in awhile.
Some handlers try to pretend that they’re always positive and this is simply being untrue, unfair and undermining to themselves.  I say recognize & embrace your emotions because it is a part of who you are.  NOW, with that said, that doesn’t mean emotions should necessarily run the show and run your behavior – especially if it highlights the inside ugly monster you swore you’d never let out of it’s cage!
Seriously, be aware of how you’re feeling (happy or not) and if you’re not feeling “balanced”, are overwhelmed, irratated, disappointed, etc. then stop, chose not to train, don’t continue with what was eliciting the negative emotion, concentrate on breathing and resist the urge to replay the bad in your mind and instead chose to focus on things that went well.
Emotions are going to happen and it’s our job to recognize them as they occur and if appropriate, immediately move toward an action that relieves any negative feelings – BEFORE we act upon them.
I share all of this because emotions and training do not necessarily go hand in hand.  Training is about our dog, is more factual based and focuses on a goal.  On the other hand, emotions are about US and they are sporadic and often can be unfair and illogical.
So the next time you go to train your dog, check your emotions at the door (ok, just the negative ones!) and be prepared to focus on your dog and not your emotions.
As always, have fun and enjoy the training!  Oh wait, those are emotions….
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Categories : Dog Training, Handler Training, Lessons Learned, The Mental Challenge
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